Start with the foundation. Because a steady one has never existed
in her life, this part is easy. Apply a base ready to handle any bumps
in the road that may occur in the future, such as: welts from slaps in
the face in the form of stereotyping before she even has a chance to
grow up. A good foundation can conceal any hardships you’re bound
to endure in the future.
Apply the blush. Brush it on in a manner maximizing the sharpness
of the cheekbones highlighting the refinement of the face: exotic,
brilliant, like ancestral Mayan carvings. Avoid using too much, as
this will give people the wrong impression: Clown. Slut.
Use the pencil to shape your eyebrows, thin and arched. This will
create an exaggerated look of bewilderment which may come in
handy should you ever decide to visit the most upscale department
store in the mall. You can actually look the part rather than just play
dumb, when the saleswomen follow you around as if you stole some
sparkly earrings say, and shoved them into your purse (also presumed
stolen). The scarce hairs (mostly drawn on) will also serve as a barrier
to people looking you in the eyes, easing any guilt you may have for
sins committed that would cause your mother eternal grief if she knew
Put on the eyeshadow base before the eyeshadow so the shadow
will set better. Use a shimmery silver to compliment the golden
crucifix hiding deep in the cleavage peering out from the fitted
white tank top. Then blend in the eyeshadow on your crease
to create depth. Otherwise you’ll be seen as shallow, incapable of
accomplishing anything meaningful in life (Having children while
being a teenager doesn’t count as an accomplishment.).
Guide the eyeliner across the fringes of the upper lid slowly advancing
all the way around the eye. Repeat the process. The thicker the better.
Don’t neglect the corners—where the liner should harshly extend
pointing away from the pupils as if accusing the ears of betraying the
rest of the face.
Curl the lashes. Perfecting the art of eye-batting is vital because
you’ll need to use your sexuality like a lasso, roping potential suitors
(most likely cholos) who will show everyone how much they love you
by giving you an assortment of hickies on your neck like a raunchy
connect the dots, and in turn get your name tatted in cursive on his neck
forever displaying the bond you share. Because why waste money on a
ring of any sort when nothing says I love you heina more than a neck
The mascara should coat the lashes like an oversized Pendleton. Drape
it on as if protecting the eyes from any sort of illumination that forces
the chola to examine her current lifestyle. She doesn’t need to be reminded
being a mother is more than making sure Jr. has the freshest baby shoes.
That dropping out of high school maybe wasn’t the best move. Or that
picking and choosing your battles will give you and your loved ones a
longer life span. Because in this mi vida loca world of barrios and bandanas,
it’s all about respect, and every day is a battle.
Finally, trace the lips with lip liner. Lipstick isn’t needed. It would only
rub off from your kiss my ass FTW attitude. But the liner will still be there.
The last trace of any hope you’ll have at making something, out of